My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
