Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
