the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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