My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
