No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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