My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize