you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
