paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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