Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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