This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
