I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
