I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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