who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
