dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
