we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
