So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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