it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
