You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
