He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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