all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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