I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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