i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
