I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
