i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
