I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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