About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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