Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
