I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish i was in the wii world.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
