I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
