Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
