she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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