Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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