He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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