Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize