In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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