Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
