yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
