i already hear my dad disowning me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
