im six kinds of drunk right now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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