so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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