I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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