Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
