I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
