I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
