I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
