I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she peed on how many people?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
