Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Girls should come with a carfax report
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
