So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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