New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
