So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
God, I missed his penis.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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