You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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