allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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