; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
