I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize