i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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