If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
