i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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