I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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