Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
