Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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