No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
