Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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