she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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