worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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