i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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