Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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