Just cropdusted the office
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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